Beached Whale

This is a nostalgic post actually.

I went on holiday at the end of August and discovered how I really did feel about myself.

This blog is going to be honest. Just because I have good intentions and strong focussed thoughts, does not mean I wont share the other side sometimes, the dark and frustrating side of losing weight.

I went to Hungary. I was looking forward to it so much and I did have an amazing time. If you've been to Hungary, I don't mean to suddenly bypass all the plus points about the culture, history and people, but this blog is centralising on looks :-) and trust me when you read about Hungarian women being beautiful and thin, they ARE. They have these big heavy meals (well this is my experience so far) but they constantly strive to be thin and healthy and they just glow. I'm sure if anyone from any country adopted the attitude, then they would be just as glowy but I can only draw from experience.

I visited the Lake Balaton - I knew what I was getting into, if we're going to get to the bottom of this, it's a lake with gorgeous clear water and tanned gods and goddesses dotted around it in bikinis. Now of course, there were smatterings of less than perfection and I don't believe I would have stood out (well that is, if I hadnt had a body crisis on the walk to the lake and dived into a holiday market stall and bought the only body length sarong, which happened to be cream with big bright dots on it...) but my focus was on these women. They just didnt have cellulite. Damn it! I worry that getting thinner will leave me with cellulite still. Actually why I would worry about what to do when I'm slim, when I'm NOT yet slim is sort of pointless...


But with sarong firmly on when wandering, I took a boat trip with my beloved. I really wanted to go into the water but just didnt feel confident waltzing down there in my tankini, legs wobbling like jelly, chafing like hell. So the boat trip seemed ideal, go out in the water a bit and then dive in. What could be easier and more discreet?

WELL. Not only did we start peddling out and enjoying the gorgeous sun, I let my gorgeous guy go first for the dip (so scared were we that if we both were in the water, the pedal boat might duh duh duh FLOAT AWAY!!) and he did it swanlike and effortlessly. I was wearing my contacts so realised I couldn't just dive in. So i whipped off my sarong and tried to edge in. Hmm, not so easy if you've ever been on one of those things. It resulted in a plop. Yes the sound made as i slid off the side and made a big spectacle of gasping for air as I went under the water and the damn boat. Then coming up for breath and realising my contacts were either skewiff or totally out. Panic stations.

Of course, this just had to have led to our drifting towards a pedal boat full of goddesses didnt it. Looking at the fat whale, about to call Greenpeace. My boyfriend, dragging me back on the boat spluttering and my rolls of fat on show for all to see. Nice. He wasn't embarrassed of me at all. I will never see these people again so why care SO much?

Coming home I resigned to do something serious now. But that is, after one more week of having what I want and then I'll REALLY put the effort in ;-)